the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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