Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I looked at my own cervix.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
