I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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