Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
