Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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