is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
