I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
