No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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