I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
