don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You ruined the universe
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
