My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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