awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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