remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
