So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My balls are so social today.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
