First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
