please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
