Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
