Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
