Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
