I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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