The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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