i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Bring me that man meat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
