I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
