she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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