i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
