I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
