Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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