it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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