idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize