You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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