I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
