I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
