Plan B is the new Plan A
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
