I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
