He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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