Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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