i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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