i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
