Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
