i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
