Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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