I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
