I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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