i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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