Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
