Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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