Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
