Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
