I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
