OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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