We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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