I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
